When I was pregnant with all my children I scoured the internet to find the perfect baby names. I would come across lists of 100 beautiful girl names, 1000 most popular girl names, and unique baby boy names. None of these articles however told me what to look for in a good baby name or mistakes to avoid when naming my baby. Worse, none was bold enough to provide a list of just downright ugly baby names. Baby names that will blight your child’s future, baby names that were guaranteed to get them teased or even bullied at school. It’s no wonder in cultures such as Germany your baby’s name can be refused by the registration authority if it’s deemed as an “impractical name”.
Of course, no child should ever be subjected to bullying but as parents, we must understand the responsibility we have to make good decisions for our children, and one such decision is to avoid giving your child an ugly baby name.
This article is intended in no way to name-shame, but simply to educate expectant parents by highlighting the poor decisions that parents who give their kids bad names have made. I have been around for a while and have heard some names that no one should be called. My list includes both boy and girl baby names, hillbilly names and ghetto names, and both contemporary and ancient baby names. So here goes.
Made-up Baby Names
Sharkeisha
This name is clearly made up and fails to give what it was intended to give. It’s an attempt to put some poshness to the name Keisha. But Keisha would have been just fine. A child name Sharkiesha should be living in an ocean, not on the ground.
Semaj
Trying to be creative by making up names is not a good idea. Semaj is simply James spelled backward. The name has no true meaning and no substance.
Names with Negative Meanings
Mallory
This name means unlucky and while I’m not very superstitious, why chance it?
Calvin
Calvin is a cute and civilized name, but it means little bald one, so unless you don’t mind this meaning, I wouldn’t choose Calvin for a baby name.
Cassandra
Cassandra is a very popular girl name, also civilized too. But it means entangler of men so I would avoid giving my baby, this name too.
Stripper Names
There are some names that I strongly believe are more suitable for girls working in a gentleman’s club than for an innocent baby. I call these names Stripper names. Here they are:
Strawberry
There is something very stripper-like about the name strawberry. It’s a fruit that has a very sexual connotation to it. Don’t give your baby this ugly name
Passion
I love passion fruit, but unfortunately, the strawberry passion has too much of a strong sexual vibe to it, making it more suitable for girls working at the strip club.
Diamond
While naming your child after certain gemstones such as Sapphire and Ruby is cool, Diamond is one of those names that belong to a girl in the strip club.
Dick
This name will certainly get your child teased by other kids and even adults for obvious reasons. The name is also just downright irreverent.
Unsophisticated Country Names
2023 is an era where you don’t have to have money to be sophisticated and while I am a country girl at heart I like to be taken seriously and there are some unsophisticated country names that do not conjure up an ounce of seriousness when uttered.
Ruffus
This name gives me the tickles whenever I utter it. While you may know a few nice Ruffes, the name is just heavy and lacks refinement qualifying it as an ugly baby name.
Woody
All I see when I hear this name is the cowboy in toy story. While this ugly baby name may be a cute pet name, it has no place in serious discourse.
Barney
Barney may have been cute back in the day but ever since that big purple dinosaur was given the name it just makes the name an unattractive baby name.
Ghetto Baby Names
I think by now we can all agree that no one wants to be accused of being ghetto, so why would you give your baby a name that screams ghetto? Here is a list of ghetto ugly baby names that I have come across.
Tkwon
This name makes absolutely no sense and I’m almost certain that this name can only be found in Black American culture. I have spent a few years in Jamaica which is predominantly black and I never came across this name
Mercedes
Nothing screams ghetto fabulous than naming your baby off of a luxury car. When it comes to baby names, a good rule of thumb is to keep it simple.
Pookie
This is a cute name for a baby but I have been a part of black culture for too long to know that Pookie is the moniker given to the unknown thug or drug dealer. You don’t want to name your baby Pookie.
Time
What? This is just downright silly. I can just imagine other kids calling a child with this name ‘Clock’. Avoid this name.
Offensive Names
Satan
Unless you are a satanist, no right-thinking person would attach this name to their lovely baby. The name carries no positive with it. I would stay clear.
Adolph
Since one of the world’s most evil men bore this name, you don’t want to put this on your child. Plus, I think it might be offensive and Anti-Semitic to give any hour to this name.
Jezebel
Jezebel is a prostitute in the Bible and in some cultures, the word Jezebel is often used to connote a “prostitute” or a very promiscuous woman.
Old Outdated Names
There is a difference between vintage and old fashion. At least in my opinion. There are just some names that are outdated. They are as follows:
Peggy
Peggy definitely lacks feminity and grace. It makes us think of a waitress in a diner or just an older woman.
Sue
This name should be given to a pet, a dog, or a cat. Not a girl not in this day and age.
Bob
I have nothing against this name, but momjunction seems to think it’s an ugly name. Bob is usually considered a short form for Roberta.
Bertha
Bertha is an old and outdated name and shows no chance of resurgence or resurrection. We don’t mean to say all vintage baby names are bad, but this one sounds like the word ‘Aunt’ should be in front of it like Aunt Bertha instead of being a baby name.
Myrtle
There is nothing pleasant about the name myrtle. It actually rhymes with turtle a pretty unattractive slow-moving animal need I say more?
Gus
The next name sounds just like the wind Gus. The pretty awful name indeed!
I hope you enjoyed these baby names. I surely had fun putting this list together.
Until next time, stay safe.
XOXO Monica.
